from __future__ import *

What will become of me from now on? After some time, I stopped thinking about that. Maybe I forgot how to think at all.

~ Rin, Shelter by A-1 Pictures & Porter Robinson

This is going to be a fair amount of emotional ranting, so brace yourself.

I’m usually a kind IT guy. When someone needs help with computers or something tech at all, be it an antediluvian (I love this word but can’t remember it) PHP website or a fresh Node.js stack, most of time I’m ready to drop whatever I am working on to give them advice or debug their code — whatever it is they need. I’m the one my teachers and friends often turn to to solve their technical issues.

I also have this friend who does a lot of development on open source and I admire the ideas that drive him, but at the same time, it sometimes feels like that’s all he can do. He’s essentially sentenced to work on open source, because he’s really passionate about it. Is that going to bring him money? The time will tell.

That issue feels personal to me though, not only because he’s my friend, but also because I see some similarities between us. I produce lots of code on a daily basis. Little side projects aside, at the time I’m managing two servers and working to migrate my school’s website to something that has a future, unlike the custom PHP framework made by students a few years ago. And at the same time I’m expected to keep up my good grades. And grades will have little to no effect on my future.

I’m kinda sick of it.

I feel so Miyano sometimes

Apparently the best way for me to earn a living is working for a corporation or launching a startup. Neither of these sounds particularly interesting — the startup, maybe, but I’d have to figure out the right idea. The corporation doesn’t sound too bad either, but with the way the corporate culture is developing, it feels like I’ll soon be expected to attribute my little coding to the company too, spend as much time as possible with my co-workers, and that’s a fair disappointment.

I just want to do small cool things with cool people, I think. The reasoning I’ve written up is incoherent, and it’s getting late, so I’ll cut straight to the point.

I’d like to, one day, run a collective of cool programming people doing cool programming things. I’ve yet to figure out how to live off this, but there’s still plenty of time. Besides, I don’t need much money — I only need enough to pay the bills and throw some at artists over Patreon.